Kabul Diaries
Chapter 2 - Is this wise?
Jason Potter at the British Council, ably assisted by Suhail Aziz at Brettonwood Consultancy, pressed me to do three weeks instead of two in March. Jason said “Many thanks for the report and for the very favourable impression you made in Kabul. The feedback from the Commissioners was very positive.”
Suhail then added “Everyone is very pleased with your work. So thanks. Good show. There is possibility of more work in Kabul, so we would like to discuss this further after Jason is a bit clearer after his talk with World Bank people etc. Meanwhile can you let me know your immediate commitments for the next couple of months?” and then “your three weeks are agreed from Saturday 12 March to Saturday/Sunday 2/3 April, thus giving three weeks input with Clive (Parry). It could be nice if you could do more - so please bear that in mind.”
On 4th February, a Kam Air plane went missing on a flight from Herat to Kabul in a snow storm, and no-one knew where it was. I emailed Zarif, who said “We heard it is found from Band Ghazi (a place near Kabul). Clive came through UN flights and now he is in the office. Everything is ok here yet”. I’ll have to wait and see how this will affect my flights in March. I emailed Clive to get his view.
Clive seemed quite relaxed, as he had taken the UN flight from Dubai, which is also planned for me.
While in Germany on March 8th, I heard that a Brit has been killed in Kabul, the advisor to the Minister of Rural Affairs, probably for offending a Warlord. I’m not fully relaxed about this!
A couple of emails arrived - one from Tom at the British Council with my flight details for Dubai and Kabul, one from Jason Potter giving me more “guidance”.
12th March
The Emirates chauffeur came to pick me up at 5.15pm, a good time to give Donna a lift, as she was due to start the night-shift for the first time at 6pm, in her new job as Manager of the Duty Free Shop at Manchester Airport’s Terminal 1.
On check-in my doubt is confirmed, my suitcase cannot be transferred to the UNHAS flight at Dubai, and I will have to pick it up at Dubai, leave the airport, get a taxi round to Terminal 2 and check in again. Anyway, I went through the Fast Lane to the Executive Lounge to await the flight. On the way to the gate, I popped in on Donna to check she was OK, having been suffering from a dose of flu. She seemed fine, so I went through to the gate and into Business Class on the plane, which was almost full, with 26 out of the 27 seats taken.
The service though was as good as ever, and we even got a toilet bag full of goodies – better than last time, when I had to nick combs and toothbrushes from the Executive loo (I still did this anyway – force of habit I’m afraid).
We landed in Dubai at 7am local time, but it’s a route march to the luggage carousel. I got there eventually, went through passport control, and got a stamp saying I am allowed to stay three months when it’s more like 4 hours in the airport. I collected my giant Fendi case, and bagged a taxi to Terminal 2. $10 dollars and a few Dharham seemed to satisfy the driver, but then I had to wait an hour for the UNHAS desk to open. I met a really interesting Scot while I waited, Gordon, a security guy who is ex-Royal Marine Commando, who will be doing 6 weeks in Kabul. He has a Thai wife, so I told him about the Mai Thai Restaurant, which serves really good Thai food. I hoped I would meet him again there (or the Elbow Room, which is always full of ex-pats).
The flight is full, and we only get sandwiches, but never mind. Arrivals at Kabul International Airport has has got no better. The entry forms were piled up, requiring all the usual information, but just like last time, I was in the first few going through, only to stand waiting for ages for the luggage to come. I RANG Zarif, to let him know where I was, but he couldn’t get in to help me, as the security had tightened up.
My suitcase had been damaged – one of the wheels, complete with housing, had been broken off – but this is not the West – there’s no Complaints Desk, so I put it down to experience, and dragged the case through to the outside world, and met up with Zarif. He had got the British Embassy driver and 4×4 waiting for me, and we went to the Embassy so I could re-register.
Then we went to the office, and met Mick Mimnaugh, another Brettonwood consultant on the project, and Seyer, who I was pleased to find was now full time on the project. After updating myself, Mick and I went to the Gandamack Lodge, former residence of Osama bin Laden’s fourth wife and children, who still owe $450 in back rent. I find that I will still be in the same boat, as rooms here are $105 per night, $50 more than the Park Palace Guesthouse I stayed at last time, and in total more than I have bought with me, so I had a problem.
In the evening, Mick and I went to the Elbow Room, to have dinner with Colin Stringer, another Oz who is also a Brettonwood consultant.
14th March
After a continental breakfast, we went to the office, and because there weren’t enough PC’s, I had to have my laptop checked and protected from Virus before I could start work. With 3 consultants doing different things, we needed a third interpreter/translator, and Shohaib had been selected for me. He’s a qualified dentist, but can’t get a job – dentists are public servants, but there is not enough money to pay for enough dentists, so the only way he can earn money is to do this. What a ridiculous situation. He had been in Kabul throughout the Taliban era, and had even been dragged out for execution for listening to music – luckily a friend of his had stepped in and save his life. Clive
15th March
Breakfast with Ed – a larger than life American, who told us that 18 more security guys are coming from Iraq this morning for the parliamentary elections, to be billeted in bunk beds. They were arriving from the airport as we left for the office, moaning about the trip via Kuwait and Sharjah, and the cost of taxis from the airport.
Everything went well in the office, except the electricity continually dropping, and the printers etc turning themselves off and on.
Today, Marjorie and Linzi are flying to Alicante, on their way to spring clean the apartment at Aldeas de Aguamarina. They have a heavy pot of paint to take with them, rollers, brushes and all sorts of cleaning materials.
In the evening we went to the Mai Thai, and found Ed on the next table. We had a really tasty meal, then went to see Ed’s new house around the corner – great – outdoor pool, huge TV and audio system, barbecue, chandeliers and fires and over the top bordello furniture.
16th March
After the Thai meal, Mick was sick, and failed to surface all day. I spent all morning preparing for the Appointments Forum that afternoon, which went pretty well, I thought, but Clive got upset about everyone who didn’t behave properly. One uniformed guy from the Ministry of the Interior went on and on about corruption of the Dari language, with the introduction of English words like Forum, Network, Shortlisting etc. My mate Mr Moosawi expressed sympathy with this view, and said he sympathized with the GENERAL!!!
Clive and Mrs Osman ate at the British Embassy in honour of some British Council Dignitary, so Mick and I eat in the Gandamack.
17th March
This meeting I held an Interviewing Workshop for Commissioners, experts, and shortlisting graduates; despite the normal arguing at the start, it went well, as I was thanked profusely in Afghan style, and asked for more information and training sessions. After lunch, we went to the Standard Chartered Bank so that Mick could get some dollars, but it was closed, and would not open again till Sunday. Then we did a bit of shopping, to get an Astrakhan hat for Clive, which cost $15. After work, Clive and I walked to the shop of the Bookseller of Kabul – staffed by his three sons. Unfortunately, his fame and popularity have driven the prices up – on book by Sandy Gall was priced at n$85!
Marj texts to say they are very busy, lots to do in Spain.
At 7.15, the driver took us to the Croat Restaurant, where I enjoyed duck soup, a huge schnitzel dinner, and French red wine.
18th March
It’s Friday morning, so we had a late start, with breakfast at 8.30am. Today, Marj and Linzi are going to Senorio e Roda, where the other apartment is being built, to check on progress.
Clive, Mick and I went to the ISAF market. I bought two pashminas, 4 DVDs, and three watches – total cost $49. Clive bought an oil lamp – not the Aladdin style, but a smaller one with 5 arms where the wicks go. Now he has to find out about appropriate wicks and oil, and we hope the lads in the office have some idea. Then we got the driver to take us to the top of TV hill (it has a Dari name, but that’s how we identify the hill that divides Kabul). Clive got out to walk when we were near the driver, but this did not suit Mick. The driver commented “Cigar eating no good walk!” which caused great laughter at his insight.
19th March
We continued to teach real English to our Afghan staff. Unfortunately they are starting to get too clever. When Clive described Seyar as a twit and a burk, Seyar told Clive these were things he had been accused of himself.
We had a meeting arranged with the Commissioners planned for 12.30, but the message came back that they would be too busy until 4pm. OK we said, 4pm it is, and by 6.10 we had taken them through a long list of problems and proposed solutions. Luckily they were up for the discussion, and kept us going with pots of green tea.
In the evening we went back to the Elbow Room with Chris Jones from C3, the consultancy doing the Pay & Grading review. The evening was overshadowed by Clive’s anxiety over the chances of Wales winning both the six nations (that’s Rugby) and the grand slam (beating all the other five national teams. To put him out of his melancholy, I texted Barry, who promptly replied “22 to 7 to the Taffies, with 30 minutes to go”. Clive was in heaven, which made an improvement over the quality of the food.
20th March
Had a meeting with Dr Hamad Zada, the acting Director General of Civil Service management. I gave him a copy of my Terms of Reference, and we had a chat about the Appointments Board, and what needs to be done.
At lunch time, we got the driver to take us to the Supreme Supermarket – the PX used by ISAF forces from the bases near the airport. WE had to show our passports to get in, as it sells booze at really cheap prices – four cans of beer for $3, and wine from $6.20 up. Clive went mad and bought a tube of Polos as well. Eerily we were surrounded by Mad Max types, big blokes with shades and a belt full of armaments. Back at the Board office, they were interviewing candidates for the position of Rural Development Director, and using the written test I had produced. Two of the candidates had completed this in English, so I was able to score their work against the criteria, so that Mrs Osman could do the same for the ones completed in Dari. I then had to explain how to use this information as supplementary to the evidence gained in interview. Mr Moosawi picked my brains on dealing with sensitive problems from the Ministries.
The 21st & 22nd were national holidays, New Years Day & Education Day, so the offices were closed. Being diligent consultants, we worked at the Gandamack Lodge, and didn’t have a beer before 12.30 on either day. Talking of beer, some Yanks from the de-mining team were leaving Afghanisatan before they had finished their supplies, so donated them to us. A big plastic bag of beer cans was left outside Clive’s room, so we could replenish our supplies. On the Monday night, we ate in the Lodge, and I had mento as a starter – lightly spiced meat in pastry (a bit like big wontons), hot but with afghan yoghurt as a sauce.
On the Tuesday night, we got the driver to take us to an Italian Restaurant owned and run by Croats, the Vila Velebita, and took Jim, a Brit rep from Olive Security with us. The food was excellent, and the portions huge. The wine was great value - $14 for a bottle of Chianti, so we had two!
The 23rd was Clive & Mick’s last day. It was rather hectic, because they had to tie up all the loose end, all the time frustrated because there was no news of flight tickets or the time of departure. At lunchtime, we took the lads to the Elbow Room – and Seyar ate the most this time, winning the record from Zarif’s attempt in December. After work we went shopping for Lapis Lazuli boxes and lanterns. Clive bought two boxes, and I was tempted to get one as well, but the others were chipped. The shopkeeper promised to get me one for tomorrow. Back to the Gandamack for a beer, start packing, and dinner with lots of wine.
24th Clive and Mick got picked up early for their UNHAS flight, o I was left on my own. After breakfast I checked out of the Gandamack, and put my new suitcase in the boot of the Corolla. The office was now only half full. Zarif and Sayer were still there of course, but Shohaib had completed his time with us as well. I sorted out priorities with Zarif, and asked him to get me some postcards as before. I told him that next week I wanted FLAVOURED nann for lunch ( and I’d try to nick bananas each day from the guesthouse). On the way home I got the driver to stop off at the shop we went in yesterday, to get a lapis Lazuli box for Marj.
Went into the Park Palace Guest House to register, and it was much improved from December. I am in Room 114 overlooking the garden, which is nice, internet in the room, TV, shower that works properly and a nice bed. Had dinner at seven, and chatted with a great American called Jim, who had recently been in Kyrgyzstan, so we discussed the news from Bishkek.
25th – TGIF! Oh yes, the Park Palace Breakfast, then off to the ISAF market, and I successfully changed two dud watches (probably for two more dud watches, but what the hell, $10 each, what did I expect?). On the way back I got the driver to stop so that I could get some nann and fruit for lunch. A huge nann cost me 8 AFs, but for two bananas and two oranges I was charged 40 AFs. The driver thought he would only have had to pay 25, and Zarif said later that 20 AFs was nearer the mark for an Afghan, but when you convert to sterling, 1 AF is equivalent to 1p!
In the afternoon I completed some work on the recruitment of a new Director General, and emailed Marj and Barry. Dinner was fine, and although not Western, its good basic stuff.
26th March
Back to work – it didn’t seem like five minutes. Seyar was re-starting at University each morning, studying English, so it was just me and Zarif in the office. We went over to the Commissioners, and tried to arrange some meeting s- we were 50% successful – we got a training session organised for the staff on the principles of selection and assessment, and a meeting with Commissioner Rahimi to discuss their considered views on my suggestion for written test and interview questions for the Director General appointment.
In the evening, the England v Northern Ireland game was live on TV via an Aussie sports channel – yippee! A celebratory Fosters seemed appropriate. Four nil, as it should be (even though two of them came off the heads of Northern Ireland players).
27th March (Easter Sunday – Marj says ‘have a nice Easter’)
I went into the office, and wished Zarif and Sayer Happy Easter, but to no avail. It hasn’t caught on here yet. Mobile Phones, Toyota Corollas and the Internet yes, but Christianity probably never.
At 9.30 I was ready to start the training course for the 20 graduates; by 9.40 no-one had come – by 9.45 I had six, and later turned one away as we were well into the session. It was alleged that some had been told not to come as they were too busy; hard to believe when I know they sit all day texting and twiddling their thumbs.
The session ran until 11.30, and at 12 I went to complain to my mate MR Moosawi. He repeated the story about being busy, but I complained that if that was true, the training should have been postponed. I also insisted on set times for the training of the new commissioners, and here I got more success – 4pm on Monday and Tuesday – here’s hoping.
Back in the office, and Sayer tells me that all the control numbers in Dr Rahimi’s section were all over the place. Every week it’s a different set of numbers. As I had a meeting set at 3.30 with Dr Rahimi, I asked for a report of the discrepancy that I could give to him to investigate. I also got Sayer to take round to the new commissioners the first handout for tomorrows training – “Validating the Selection Process”.
We went to see D r Rahimi, and you know what, I put my head in my hands. The job advert had gone out wrong - half the criteria were missed off. Did we have to re-advertise? If so, can we re-define the criteria? Both the Chairman of the CSC and his Special Advisor were out of the country, so I had to think.
28th March
The next morning I went back to Dr Rahimi with my masterplan. Recover the lost criteria, and pretend nothing happened. It all went well until I saw the criteria – next to useless, surprise. Nil desperandum, I concocted proper question that more or less relate to his criteria, and gave him some ideas for the interview and a written test.
At 10 o’clock, there was a TA (Technical Assistance) Coordination Meeting, chaired by Dr. Hamid Zada, the acting Director General, with various consultants suggesting that there should be weekly and monthly report forms, and more meetings – groan.
In the afternoon I ran a training session for the four new Commissioners, and two of the others turned up as well – great. I took them through (basic) validity theory and the importance of criteria-based assessment, before telling them how to get the Ministries to toe he line, and change everything they are doing, starting with a new Application Form and a new shortlisting procedure. As ever, they promised to take away my handouts for consideration.
On the news we heard that there had been a road-side bomb on the Jalalabad Road, near the Supreme Supermarket. 4 Afghanis and a Canadian hurt.
29th March
A wonderful meeting took place with Mr Hassan, the Secretary. I asked for two things – more graduate training and training staff in statistics. His response was that the Commissioners needed the most training!
Later on I went through statistics and data bases with Mr. Aziz and Miss Kubra, and left them with examples of correlation stats and criteria records.
I met Mr. Moosawi again later, and we had a good chat about what was wrong, but we would have to wait for the Chairman to return to get any changes.
30th March
Today we had Bolani bought to the office by our driver, Azim. It’s stuffed batter-like “bread”. We had potato and leek versions, still warm from the oven, delicious but very greasy!
In a chat with two of the new Commissioners, I found out that they thought I would make a good Commissioner. I am already a Mushawer, an Expert, so all I need to do next is become a Muslim, get Afghan Nationality and have 20 years experience in the Afghan Civil Service. A doddle – by the time I’m 80 I’ll be there.
There was more Taliban stuff on the news – a car-bomb in Jalalabad outside Government offices. Just the driver killed, so it sounded like the bomber didn’t get out in time. What’s that saying? “If they had a brain, they would be dangerous”.
31st March
Hooray! I met a couple of Hashers this morning at breakfast. Hash Cash and another Aussie, who have a run every Friday. I left my card and vowed to bring my trainers in August (hopefully evening runs, as August is reputedly hot, dusty and fly-ridden during the day).
Mr Baizayee had still not returned to the office, but I ploughed on anyway getting my report folder ready for him.
The second Graduate Training was due to start at 11am. The “Job Psychologist” – (that’s me) – got there on time, only to wait 15 minutes for the participants to drift in. I gave them a good telling off, and said if his was a western country, they would be in trouble. They took it in good part, and we got on with the workshop – with a very interesting discussion about the real importance of various selection criteria, including language skills.
The second Training session for the new Commissioners was after (their) lunch, and I found out the Chairman wasn’t now expected back until Tuesday, so I had no chance of trying to influence him personally. I would have to leave my reports and papers with his deputy, Mr Moosawi, who would then hand them over.
1st April was a Friday, so I had to work at the Guesthouse. I had an interesting chat at breakfast with a Brit, who had just arrived from Uzbekistan, where ex-pats are now down to a tiny group, with the collapse of international aid. He also talked about Kazakhstan, which is oil-rich and now very expensive.
2nd April
Last day in the office, and there were lots of loose end to tie up. I met the Commissioners, and handed over my report and documents, and Clive’s file of actions and recommendations. As the trees in the compound were sprouting their spring blossom, I took the opportunity to take some photos.
I gave Zarif a list of jobs to do in my absence, and left a note for Clive on what to check when he returns in May.
3rd April
That was that for this visit. The British Embassy Driver took me to the airport, and I got on the UNHAS flight to Dubai, there to get a taxi to the Concorde Hotel for overnight, and the Emirates flight home to Manchester.